Lately I just have had a poor attitude. I want to get out of my slump but can't. I need a bit of encouragement.
Sometimes I feel like the "needle" in the haystack, except no one is looking for me. I love going to church. I admit it's hard to get motivated when I have to take the girls alone. I see many families walking in with their kids and their husbands. Many single moms do this I know, but I wish I had my husband to go with me. Due to his job it's just not possible at times.
Another issue I have to deal with is my oldest daughter. She hates going to Sunday School. It's nothing new. Last year she finally felt comfortable and with no complaints she went. As soon as the new school year started, so did classes. Unfortunately the girls she was playing with were moved to the higher class up. Since then it's been a nightmare to get her out of bed and ready. She's not dumb, she knows when it's Sunday and will play sick or just put up a fight the night before or the morning of.
So here I am almost in the middle of January and have not stepped into a Sunday Service since November. Has anyone noticed? Has anyone called to see if we are okay? No!!! It makes me a bit sad that I'm not or don't feel important that anyone cares.
Sorry, I don't mean to feel sorry for myself, but it's very frustrating and discouraging. The other day I was thinking about something. I've been going to the same church for five years and in that five years, our family has been invited to someones home once. Once....that's pretty sad!!! What's sadder is that family we did get together with occasionally no longer live in town. My husband and I ask ourselves, "are we that boring of people that no one wants to hang out with us". I know, I know, we can ask others over to our home, but that is sooo not me. So I'm hoping others shy away from us because they are feeling the same.
On a positive note...my husband got a new shift that will allow us to go as a family when the time comes. Thats if I get off my butt and do something about it.
I just had to get this off my chest.
Thanks for listening.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Needle In A Haystack
Posted by Ona at 9:33 PM
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14 comments:
Hey...I haven't been to church lately, either. Or MOPS. Or anything, for that matter.
I'm sorry I haven't called you...I've thought about you but I haven't called you. I guess I figure you're busy doing your "own" thing...if you wanted to hang out, you'd call me, right?
Well, WRONG! Your sitting there having a pity party and so am I!!! And in the meantime, we are still NOT hanging out!
Wanna do something? You can come over to my house this time (if you dare) or we can go to NW Kids Club (I'm over my whole "thing" now).
We could go shopping at the Woodburn Outlet or head out to the coast or something...
Drop me a line, wouldya?
I'm sure a lot of people can relate.
We're the party people. We try to have some kind of get together at least once a month, if not more....but we're really not invited very often over to other people's homes.
I used to feel really hurt by this...did no one like me? But people always show up at our house. And I realized that it does take a lot to have people over, a lot of cleaning, a lot of time, sometimes a lot of money. I'd like to think that more people would have our family over if they had the time, or energy.
I've only met you once, but you are adorable and I really enjoyed visiting with you. I'm pretty sure it has less to do with you and more to do with all the other stuff.
Next get together we have...you can hop a ride over with the Diaz'!!
Ona, I want to say that I love your openness and honesty here. I'm glad that you had the courage to share what is on your heart.
Church is an interesting entity. It was established by God for growth in our faith and fellowship with other believers. He desired for no man to have to tread their faith alone, knowing that we need one another. Yet 2008 is quite a different beast than the year 50! We have such crazy, manic lives that pull us in so many directions, everything competing with everything else for a portion of our time. And church can seem to be just one of those things in the competition. I think a lot of people think that they don't want to "bother" someone else, assuming they must be SO busy, you know? Or we're just plain busy ourselves~December is always crazy, unfortunately.
Court Street is certainly not a mega-church, but it's not a small, intimate one either, so it is easy to get lost in the crowd and feel like the proverbial "needle" as you described. That makes me sad.
This is a lot of the reason why we are following the Choice, Change, Challenge model~to help all people who call this church home to get connected, because the leadership knows that by just coming and going on Sunday mornings leads to people unfortunately falling through the cracks. It's by small groups and volunteering in ministries that we actually get connected into those deep relationships that our human nature desires so deeply. I know you were in Molly's small group before, right? Are you still in one?
I know that for me, my closest friendships have been a direct result of my small groups and worship team ministry. If it hadn't been for them, I don't think I'd have any friends in the church because I simply can't form close bonds during the 5 minutes before and after service.
I hope I don't sound like I'm preaching a sermon or anything. This matter is close to my heart and I care about you. I wonder if joining a growth group would be an option for you right now? In fact, Priscilla and I both lead groups on Wednesday nights just for women~I love it! Her or I would love to have you there tonight. Or maybe you could help teach Jasmine's class on Sundays to help acclamate her better?
I don't know, maybe you've been there done that and you just needed to vent, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry you're feeling this way right now. I would take Erin up on some shopping, for sure! : ) Have a great day today and hopefully I'll see you soon.
I am so sorry you are feeling lonely. I have to echo what Sharon said that I don't build my relationships on a Sunday mornings but rather in my minstry at the church and small groups. Since the twins have been born I haven't joined one and boy am I feeling it. Want to come with me tonight? I am thinking about Sharon's because I love the book they are going though but I am open. It's tonight at seven at the church.
Also I wanted to also point out that with having two services I have just figured that we've missed one another.
All this to say I do care. I really love the small time we have spent together. I know Matt and Dave would have a great time too so I would love to have you guys over sometime.
Love ya.
Funny, what people seek out of their church. I was raised in a huge Catholic Church. I even attended parochial school, so my friends all went to the same church. However, my parents friends were all of different religious demominations. Family friends were not at all church friends.
I've always like the anonimity the Catholic Church allows. I don't really want to socialize with the people at see at mass. I find it stifling. I once attended a baptist church and later that afternoon the welcoming committee stopped by with cookies. Very sweet, but I was horrified!!
So much of what we need, we can really provide for ourselves. I recently wrote the God does not give me a challenge without providing the "tools".
I think this was a good start in reaching out to people. So often we assume things about people. I don't really know you, but I assumed you are busy training for your marathon. (Has that happened yet?) People at church may have assumed the same thing. They may have assumed that starting with Thanksgiving through the New Year you were busy...or maybe they all were.
Don't let assumptions stand. Clarify, let people know what you need. Have people you want to get to know better over. Make the second move now.
The few times I've talked to you, I thought you were a gem. Funny and smart. I can't think of anyone who wouldn't enjoy spending time with you.
Now get up off you butt and call someone! (Just in case, you are the tough love type.)
Love you Ona. Serious.
But I so echo the others. I don't have time on Sunday's to make realtionships or even think of asking anyone over. Usually the kids are running out the doors before I can get there coats!!
I do know Noah likes your oldest! And they are in the same class...it might be the hour you go to?? Check out 2nd service, they might have more girls for her.
Anyway, only a week till MOPS starts up again! Come to our movie night!!! :>
Ona,
I have found that it is so true that joining a small group is central to making friends at CSCC. That is really how I got involved. Then, I started volunteering in teaching Sunday school. I got to know so many folks from being in the Sunday school classes. If teaching isn't your thing, there are so many other opportunities to help out. If you call the church, they can help you figure out where you fit in. You'd be amazed at how many people you'll meet through doing ministry, whether it's stuffing envelopes or teaching a class.
I have also found that it works if I invite people to my house. I organize parties, playdates, and outings for my kids and my family. I don't really care if I never get a reciprocal invitation. I just invite people I want to hang out with. I figure if they don't want to hang out with me that they'll say no to the invitation to come to my place.
Don't take offense that you aren't invited to other people's homes. Some of my good friends and I don't have a night together but once a year! Times are busy and crazy.
I will be at the church tonight teaching Breakout. There is also a neat program for Jasmynn's age called Kids Quest. She could go to that while you go to a small group. Morgan is in that same class, so they could have fun together. Morgan Mc is usually there too-but not tonight since Logan is being born today!!
Lots of hugs to you!
Ona,
So sorry you are feeling this way! Many people can relate.
I will be praying for you that you get out of this slump ASAP!
You are an awesome person and I know any small group would LOVE to have you!
Have a great day and I love you!
Thank you girls for your encouraging comments. I didn't mean for you all to feel sorry for me, just needed to get some thoughts out that I've been feeling. I hope to get out of this slump soon. I will not be there on the 13 for sure. That's the day of the Cascade 1/2 Marathon, but hopefully will get there the next week.
Sharon what book is your group studying? Can you tell me a bit about it?
Becca, I'd love to go tonight but I might have to prepare Jasmynn a bit more than a few hours that we are going or she will through a fit. Who knows maybe she'll surprise me and say lets do it. Ya right!
Me again~I'll make this one's shorter! : )
Our growth group had been going through "Power of a Praying Wife" which is just an awesome book. But for six weeks, starting tonight, all the groups church wide will be doing a study that corresponds with the Sunday messages of our new church vision: the Choice, Change, Challenge model. Then we'll return to our regularily scheduled programming! : )
We'd love to see you there anytime~no worries!
Ona, I'm so sorry to hear you're in a slump! Please know if you need a friend, I am always here and you can just walk across the street and come into my messy house and visit!! Hopefully once I'm finished working we can get together more often to visit. I'm so glad we've had the chance to become friends over the last few months!! And, you are definitely welcome to hitch a ride with us to the Kofoid's next time we go!! Scott and Rachel are the best hosts ever!!
Ona, why don't you climb Mt Everest
Hi Ona! It was wonderful to see you and Becca tonight!
I think all the comments above said it all!
Your wonderful! Hope to see you again!
Ona, I can completely relate to the not wanting to go to church without your hubby thing. Since mine works graveyard and rarely is on a rotation where he has a Saturday night off which would allow for church together on Sunday, I've delayed going. We know where we want to go (CSC), we feel it is important for both ourselves and our son, but me getting up and out of the house alone with my boy is a bit too much to think about and DO. You are not alone in your thoughts!
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